When I initially started this blog, my goal and mission for this blog was to show and demonstrate biblical womanhood and marriage. I have since had life catch up with me from working, planning a wedding and having a wedding and now trying to get back on track. Recently I've decided it was time to begin writing on this blog. Keep in mind- everything I write on this blog is from my experience and from learning the word of God. I will love to share my testimony one day with you but until then here is my perspective and journey so far on biblical marriage.
Brian and I have been married legally for about a year but officially about 3 years. We recently had our official wedding about a month ago. Now, I know I've just lost some of you right there but my rebuttal always will be that marriage and a wedding are two separate things. I remember when we were planning our wedding, Brian's dad had mentioned that he hasn't officially given his wife a wedding although there have been married for over 25 years. So it is never too late to have a wedding if you've been married but still desire a celebration with family and friends. I promise you, it is worth it.
I believe in the saying "happy wife, happy life". According to Ephesians 5:25, "husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her". More often, men and women have different perspectives on certain issues, we think different and we look different. But when a man and a woman in Christ decides to come together, it no longer is about you, but rather becomes about Christ. I remember years ago before I was saved, I would see people wearing bracelets with the saying 'what would Jesus do'. Back then I didn't understand or even care to find out the significance of it all. As I draw closer to God, I find myself asking what would Jesus do? or what if Jesus was here?- how would I behave?
Our marriage is meant to be sacred, pure and a to glorify God. So Ladies, I have to apologize because I am about to disappoint some of you. If you were like me, I once thought that my husband was suppose to make me happy, be my hero and come down as heaven sent to make all my dreams come true--WRONG! The truth about marriage is that you will be tested, you will go through obstacles together, you will argue, you will disagree, you will have issues. The difference between worldly marriage and biblical marriage will be the Spirit of God that will be upon your marriage and due to that, perseverance, and the willingness to never give up will be how you respond.
According to Ephesians 5:22-24, "wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing." Eugh! Biblical submission, the word submission immediately makes some of us cringe. Submission is the order that Christ has put in place so that we may flourish and thrive in our marriage. The roles that are given to men and women in a biblical marriage works when applied with understanding. You will miss the point if it is being acted out as being a doormat or a slave wife. The word submission in Greek- hupotassó: to place or rank under, to subject, mid, to obey. I often like to break the word down as well. Sub means under and mission means an assignment, a purpose, a task. Essentially as a submitted wife, we choose to be under our husbands for the mission of Christ. This doesn't mean a wife doesn't have a voice but instead it means she has a leader that is being led by the Lord and for that she respects his views and allows him to make decisions for their household. She isn't running up her mouth and disrespecting everything he says but rather a meek and humble spirit. The submissive woman takes it to the Lord and pleads to God for correction and conviction if needed. I rather the Lord correct my husband than me attempting to.
So because I am not just a wife, but a wife in Christ, everything I do in my marriage has to resemble and exemplify Christ. I have to pick and choose my battles, I have to serve my husband even when I don't feel like it, I have to love my husband unconditionally. Keep in mind- I actually really love my husband. Although he isn't the source of my happiness or joy- because only Christ can play that role, he is still the seasoning that adds to my joy and happiness. He tickles my fancy. In relationships we are suppose to add to each other and attempt to not take too much from the other person- because eventually that person will have nothing left to give to you.
According to 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
The above verses are a pivotal epiphany.
Love is Patient- Are we patient with our spouse? Do we listen before we respond? Do we take a break in prayer before we get upset?
Love is Kind: Are we kind to our spouse? Do we look for ways to give to our spouse by serving them? Do we think of new ways we can show kindness towards our spouse?
It is not envious or boastful or proud: Are we envious of our spouse? Are we boastful or proud? or do we show humility and meekness?
It does not dishonor: Do we show reverence and honor to our spouse or do we just treat them like the dirty rag in the kitchen sink?
It is not self-seeking: one of my favorite phrase to say is "its isn't about you boo boo" So yes in a marriage it isn't about you, it's not seeking your own interest but seeking the interest of Christ. It's about serving and how can you serve others.
It is not easily angered: Do you get angry easily? it is perfectly normal to be upset and angry- which is an emotional response to something but your anger should not control you. Your emotions should never control you. If you are easily angered and find yourself always upset then you need to take a deep breath and pray to the Lord to heal you from the spirit of anger and begin to work on it before you destroy yourself and marriage.
It keeps no records of wrongs: So in a biblical marriage we don't just throw in the towel if someone makes a mistake but rather if that person seeks forgiveness we are to forgive just like Christ has forgiven us. We don't keep records of the wrongs that were done to us so we can rub in each others faces but rather we heal from them and move on. We learn from our mistakes and use that to help others as well as ourselves.
Love does not delight in evil but rather rejoices in truth: Our marriage should be in truth, there shouldn't be hidden agendas and secrets. We should exemplify the light of Christ through our marriage. We should be able to communicate with one another so that there isn't anything hidden.
It always protects: we should protect one another and pray for one another.
It always trust: We should build our solidity in trust- trusting one another and trusting the Lord
It always hopes: Brian and I share our hopes together, You should always keep your hope alive, always hope for the best. Never give up
It perseveres: True love overcomes obstacles, you pray together, you lift each other up. You shouldn't condemn your spouse but rather look for ways to lift him or her up.
Love never fails: if you practice the quintessence of love then it will never fail.
In conclusion, we will never have a perfect marriage. We have to accept our spouses imperfections, rather than hoping for perfection according to our standards. Pray for God to give you patience. Practice a lot of forgiveness, show reverence, show kindness. Refuse to make it about you but rather to glorify God by serving and by loving. Most importantly never give up because with Christ any marriage can flourish.
Feel free to comment on this post or share in the group discussion on ladieslet'spray.com. I will love to hear what you think or if you have any personal questions for me.
Until next time, God bless you and I love you sisters!